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Do you struggle, as I do, with not wanting to fail or get it wrong so much so that you end up not acting on ANYTHING!?? Even obeying something I know God wants me to do is hard when my incessant need to know WHY kicks into gear. And not just a vague answer, I want to know ALL the why’s! UGH!
Although my inquiring mind usually only delays my obedience as I EVENTUALLY come to my senses and do what He is asking, I do not like this part of me. This willful disobedience (let’s call it what it is) that I justify in my mind as “part of my personality” and even been so bold as to blame Him for “making me this way” on occasion, has GOT TO GO!!
Each year our church encourages us to choose a word to focus on for the upcoming year. It can be something you want more of in your life, something you wish to improve on or anything that comes to mind while asking God for a vision for the year ahead. (Can you guess what my word is for 2023?)
Proverbs 29:18 reminds us:
If people can’t see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves; But when they attend to what he reveals, they are most blessed. (The Message)
Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained, But happy is one who keeps the Law. (NASB)
2022 has been a year of very new and somewhat unexpected things for us. The short story is my husband retired and I took a one year sabbatical. It has been amazing in more ways than I can describe! It has also been a very eye-opening year. With no real responsibilities or schedules outside of what we felt like doing, there were days neither of us knew what day it was without looking at our phones! As two people who have worked consistanly since the age of 15, this was unsettling at first, but as any intelligent human beings would do, we quickly embraced the freedom we were blessed to have even though we knew it would be short-lived. 🙂 Strangely, as we “settled” into this new freedom, we began to seek out schedules, activities, commitments and projects.
I am more convinced than ever that we were not created for idleness!
Since the work that created much of the vision we followed prior to January 2022 was now gone (get up, work hard, go home, repeat) we were left to find a new vision to direct our days.
While it was unsettling at first for us workers not to work, it has brought to light a vision for our coming years and a certain sweetness to our relationship. It has clarified what is most important to each of us individually and as a couple. We have made significant changes in our life to better suit what we feel called by God to pursue. Some of the changes have been big, physical ones like downsizing so we can live on one income, selling a house, moving to a different state, etc. but most of them are small, having more to do with perspectives, mindsets and personal goals. Like this obedience thing…
Talking to Papa this morning, I made this statement, “How silly that I do not obey You immediately!! Pure silliness! I KNOW You love me and that EVERY SINGLE thing You tell me to do, is for my good!” Then I ended my spewing with, “WHY???” 😂😂😂
His gentle answer moved me to tears and to write this blog:
“Yes – Sometimes your thoughts seem silly when ALL things are considered. Like:
struggling to obey Someone Who loves you like I do.
worrying about literally ANYTHING that can happen on this earth – even death.
desiring man’s approval over Mine.
Silly, yes. BUT, I have SO MUCH grace for it! I know from where you come, sweet girl.
But MORE IMPORTANTLY, I see very clearly where you are headed! And I am SO enjoying the ride!”
He shared some personal encouragement for me that I will not share here but went on to remind me that “it is easier for Him to fine tune an object already in motion than one that is sedentary.”
He has been talking to me about Revelation chapter 3 for literal years! In fact, I wrote something based on it for a friend many years ago that I will post as a Part 2 to this post. He took me back to these verses this morning with a bit of a different perspective. In case you are unfamiliar, here are the verses in my two favorite versions of the Bible. First from the New American Standard version and then from The Message paraphrase.
(NASB)
15 ‘I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. 16 So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will vomit you out of My mouth. 17 Because you say, “I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have no need of anything,” and you do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked, 18 I advise you to buy from Me gold refined by fire so that you may become rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness will not be revealed; and eye salve to apply to your eyes so that you may see. 19 Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. 21 The one who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat with My Father on His throne. 22 The one who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’”
(The Message)
15-17 “I know you inside and out, and find little to my liking. You’re not cold, you’re not hot—far better to be either cold or hot! You’re stale. You’re stagnant. You make me want to vomit. You brag, ‘I’m rich, I’ve got it made, I need nothing from anyone,’ oblivious that in fact you’re a pitiful, blind beggar, threadbare and homeless.
18 “Here’s what I want you to do: Buy your gold from me, gold that’s been through the refiner’s fire. Then you’ll be rich. Buy your clothes from me, clothes designed in Heaven. You’ve gone around half-naked long enough. And buy medicine for your eyes from me so you can see, really see.
19 “The people I love, I call to account—prod and correct and guide so that they’ll live at their best. Up on your feet, then! About face! Run after God!
20-21 “Look at me. I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I’ll come right in and sit down to supper with you. Conquerors will sit alongside me at the head table, just as I, having conquered, took the place of honor at the side of my Father. That’s my gift to the conquerors!
22 “Are your ears awake? Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches.”
I know there is a lot in these verses but I am going to focus on the hot, cold and lukewarm admonishment since He did this morning.
John, the disciple whom Jesus loved (as he describes himself all through the books of the Bible he wrote), is writing these words of warning to the church of Sardis (Laodicea). As with the rest of the Bible, we know they were not just for the church at that time but for us who are a part of it today and all through history.
He has shown me the meaning of wanting us to be hot or cold as opposed to lukewarm in the past as it relates to making decisions, showing me that when we make a decision, He can then confirm it for us by blessing our efforts in that direction or reprove us, show us where we missed it and help us get back on track.
But this morning, He went in a little different direction, showing me that when we do our best (which He is WELL AWARE that our “best” flucuates with the tide sometimes) to follow what we believe He is saying or move in the direction of a desire of our heart that it is easier for Him to fine tune, or adjust our direction because we are already in motion.
Being the inquisitve person that I am, I immediately asked if that were true even if you are moving in the OPPOSITE direction of His will?!
The answer was a resounding, YES! I will close with the fresh perspectives He gave.
When our enemy can freeze us in fear,
confuse us about the character of God into thinking He expects us to be “perfect” as defined as never messing up,
convince us to “bury our treasure” as opposed to investing it,
or view the lack of man’s approval or silence of man’s compliments as being unsuccessful,
Then our enemy makes it harder for us to hear and see the vision God is trying to show us. He succeeds in convincing us to sit where we are, immovable until God does some miraculous thing like write on the wall or physically pick our lazy, depressed butts up off the couch!
DO NOT get it twisted! I do not believe for one second that Papa was saying to go ahead and sin and purposely move in a direction opposite of His will for us. Don’t go there! Remember that we are to “do our best” to understand His will. There are basic things about life in Christ that are no-brainers.
I DO believe, however that He can work with each of us, right where we are if we will but MOVE!
Admittedly, this is hard for me as I often think FIRST of all the things that could go wrong and spend very little time reminding myself of what could go right. If I am being completely transparent, at times I also think more about what others will think if things fail than how God could fix it if it does. 😒
Forgive us, Papa. Thank You for never giving up on us. Thank You for being SO GOOD that You can risk letting us represent You even though You know we will fail at times! Thank You for planning for my failures and weakness BEFORE the foundations of the earth and making a way of escape and redemption for all of them! Thank You for vision and focus and more love and grace than we can phathom!
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